Heartbreak Anniversary.

Hello hi, it’s been 6months since I was heartbroken.

I know, I know, time flies when your life is falling apart.
I’m joking Mum, before you text me.

Fyi, my blog isn’t turning into my love life diary, you’re not that lucky. Got to save something for the group chat. However, my last blog post seemed to absolutely pop off in comparison to my other blogs.

Damn you lot love to see a girl down.

Well not for long, I aint gon lie I was hurt, but ya cant keep a gansta down bitch, ya can’t keep a gangsta down.
(If you’ve seen the meme you’ll get it, if not, please kindly refer to TikTok)

But, the stats on my last blog, yes I do check, were much higher than usual, and I had so many readers from so many random countries. I do wonder if the readers from overseas understand my humour? Or maybe they just think that I'm a terrible writer?

Either way, you’re still here so, a win is a win.

I also do wonder how people find my blog, because I currently don’t do any form of SEO. If you know me, and you know what I do for work, you’ll know I do every aspect of marketing apart from the digital side. I'm a creative girlie. I can do it, but I don’t enjoy it. So unless the traffic is driven from my IG, which is currently private, I don’t know how you lot find me. But welcome, nice to have ya here.

Anyways in the words of Giveon, it’s a Heartbreak Anniversary. It’s been 6 months-ish, since I was in the depths of despair, or whatever Shakespeare would call it, but I’m sure you can already tell by the wit and sarcasm, your girl is back… and better of course. So shall we talk about how my last 6 months have been?

How I've been getting on?
Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy.

I see so many TikTok's about ‘getting over heartbreak’ and oh my goodness, first of all, let me tell you how happy I am that my IG and TikTok algorithm have realigned and aren’t just feeding me depressing content.

Do you know how dismal social media is, when you feel shit and you open an app for a laugh and get hit with a TikTok witch telling you that she can manifest your ex back with moon water?
Like I know I'm sad, but I'm not that fucking sad.

Anyways, the last 6 months have been interesting. Can’t lie to you, the first few I probably kept Kleenex in business. After my therapist told me ‘Nicole, you need to cry', I apparently took her advice to a whole new level. Like I said before, I don’t do half measures.

Did you see my TikTok about me having a meltdown in a shop, when the shop keeper asked how my ex boyfriend was doing? Not my finest hour. I did try to hold it together, believe me, I tried. Funnily enough, the shop keeper thought he was dead, because I was that upset.
All I wanted to do was buy some snus. What a fucking day.

Then I seemed to hit a bit of a turning point. My Mum loves this saying, she seems to have used it so many times in my life, and every single time she was right.

‘It’s like a light-switch will flip’.

It’s true, in a sense. It’s not some big life changing feeling of ‘oh my God I feel better’. It’s more of a gradual burn, kinda like drinking Tequila. It’s like ‘oh this isn’t consuming me as much’, ‘oh, it’s not the first thing I think about when I wake up’, ‘oh I have life going on outside of this, that I need to live’. It’s like the ache is still there but the box around it grows. So instead of it taking over the entire box, it just chills in the corner.

Nobody puts baby in a corner… valid, but heartbreak can go there. Honey we only get one life, we’ve got shit to do.

So again, I took my therapist’s advice and I started letting my life grow. The thing is, you don’t get over things, you get through them, and the easiest way to get through something and grow is to expand your surface area. Saw that quote on IG.

Go to more places, see more things, be around your friends, be around your family, laugh and enjoy the little things. When you’re ready.
Don’t try to force it too soon, because it just happens naturally. It’s kind of like riding a bike, the first few times you wobble, maybe even fall off, but then you start to get the hang of it.

And honestly I've had an amazing few months. I’m not an 11.11 girlie, but I do believe you receive what you put out into the universe. I stopped living in ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ and started living in right now. When I met my friends, I was fully immersed in the moment. When I went for dinner with my grandma we laughed - properly. When she nearly set the house on fire after she left something on the hob, I didn't want to go up in flames with it. When my friends put on some Drake, yeah I did get up, dance and rap every single lyric. I've said it before and I'll say it again - Certified Lover Girl.

You know, I sang along to Adele ‘Someone Like You’ (please refer to my IG highlights for the receipts) and I didn’t cry my eyes out?
See that there? Growth.

But most of all, I allowed myself to just be okay. You can still hold a lot of love for someone and not sit in bed all day crying. Maybe this is the dreaded word my therapist mentioned that I thought I would never embody - acceptance.

Not anger, I think we’ve already gathered that I'm way too empathetic for that, and I’ll analyse you to the point of understanding you and why you are the way you are, so I could never be mad at you.

Not sadness, just acceptance. Acceptance that some things don’t work out the way you hoped or expected at that time in life, and that’s okay.

So with that, I have another 6 months of this year to live. I have more memories to make, more flights to take and a whole lot of wine to drink. Am I sad sometimes? Of course! I have my moments, when I hear a song, or say a phrase only we would use. I’m human not ChatGPT.

I think the one thing I’m proud of is the work I've done over the last 6 months, I’ve built myself back up, from a place where I genuinely questioned if I'd ever feel fully happy again. Dramatic I know. I’ve not worked to be the version I was, but a better version, who knows who she is even more than before, who’s learnt new things, gained new tools, grown in ways that wouldn’t have happened, if this didn’t happen. Someone who understands that not everything is a reflection of her, but a reflection of people’s capacity, life stage and emotional maturity. A version of me that hasn’t gone cold like many people do after heartbreak. I’m still a soft girl at heart, I still love love, even if it hurts sometimes.

And I’m excited and I don’t really know what for. In the best way possible.

I've spent most of my life chasing happiness, when in reality, you don't need to chase happiness, it just comes with peace. Buy one get one free I guess. 

Usually I love to plan and know what's coming next. I do love a little 5 year plan. I expected to turn 30 with my entire life figured out, and in some areas it is, little Nic would be so proud, however in others, I've just let go of the reins. I’m not even on the horse anymore to be honest. I’m just chilling on the grass watching the sunset, probably doing a brand strategy or editing some content.

And you know what? I'm happy with that.

Alexa, play Giveon - Heartbreak Anniversary.

Matter of fact, play Future ft. Drake - Life Is Good.

Until next time x