Who made this shit up?

I came across this guy the other day - John Kim aka The Angry Therapist - and I really liked a lot of things he writes about and the quotes he posts on IG. I know, I know, we love a quote.

Anyways, the quote said - I think we fucked ourselves chasing the picket fence instead of asking if we even wanted the house.

Amen.

I think a lot of us do this. We spend so much of our lives working towards a ‘dream’ or ‘goal’ that we didn’t consciously set for ourselves.

Maybe it was set through family, societal norms, seeing what our friends are doing or the content we consume, and we keep working towards this ‘goal’, believing that when we hit it, or when we get it, everything is just going to click into place. And sadly, some people spend their entire lives waiting for that click.

For example, when I was younger, I used to always say I wanted to have kids by the time I hit 30. I wanted to focus on my career and travelling first and then settle down.

Well, that aged fucking well.

I remember hitting 28 and being in a relationship at the time and thinking, ‘damn, I’m nearly 30. I’m supposed to be having a baby soon’. Like my Evri delivery was on its way and I wasn’t home.

Internally, I was worrying about a timeframe I don’t even know why I set for myself.

It’s funny because just before I hit 30, I went through a breakup, my life as I knew it completely flipped upside down and I literally went back to the drawing board. Matter of fact, I couldn’t even find the drawing board, or the crayons.

Then I remember sitting on a balcony in Italy with a glass of wine during the summer, thinking, why on earth would I want kids right now?

Why was I so set on having kids by 30? Was it because my Mum had me at 28? Was it because so many of my friends were already living the life of house, kids, soft play and school runs? Was it the pressure of people thinking 30 is old and I should be a ‘wife’ by now?

Crazy work btw. I’m waaay better now than I was at 21.

I’ve always grown up believing nobody’s timelines are the same and honey, I’ve lived a few fucking timelines. I’ve done the university degree era, I’ve worked my way up in my career, I’ve travelled to so many places, had amazing trips and times with my friends, I’ve done the long-term relationship when I was really young and probably should have just been single. I’ve also been wholeheartedly in love, thinking it was going to be forever, and I’ve gone through a heartbreak that I thought I’d never recover from, and I’ve only just hit 30.

What a ride.

And while theres some things I guess I would have changed in hindsight, I also wouldn’t, because this is my timeline. Even if it feels like a rollercoaster at times.

The rest of the quote goes on to say, the problem is that somewhere along the way, we turned one version of a good life into the definition of a good life.

And it really is true that comparison is the thief of joy. I’ve got friends who are married with kids and friends who are single, living in the city. I’m sure sometimes those sitting at home watching Bluey and getting stains out of school uniforms wished they were in a quiet apartment, and I’m sure those sat in an apartment sometimes wish they had a full house and a husband to go home to.

But the point I’m making is maybe we should be asking ourselves what we actually want, not what we’ve been told we should, and also not worrying because we don’t have it yet.

I mean, you can want something without treating its absence right now as proof you’re behind, and sometimes what you want changes as you do. Life isn’t linear.

If you’ve hit all these goals you set for yourself and still feel unfulfilled, maybe it’s because you’ve created a great life, but not your life, and that’s why you feel a little homesick at home.

I feel like people are always scared of starting over, but isn’t it better to start over, than live in a life that doesn’t even feel like yours?

I can tell you from experience, I’ve started over more times than I can count and it was worth it… Every. Single. Time.

And I know it’s harder to start over when you have responsibilities, kids and mortgages, so before anyone comes for me, I’m not advising you to detonate your life. Hold the pin. I’m just saying, maybe consider the goals you’re setting for yourself and whether they actually align with what you want and who you are, or whether you’re aspiring to live a certain life just because you saw it on Pinterest.

Just because you’ve built one life, doesn’t mean you have to maintain it because it’s all you’ve known.

And just because you don’t have it yet, doesn’t mean it’s not coming.

There’s no blueprint or rule book, so what are we all following?

Who the fuck even made this shit up?

I also said I wanted a Range Rover before I hit 30, and I got one of those. Considerably cheaper than having children, I would assume.

And it’s cute, I like it, but it costs me a shit load in road tax. But for this era of life, it works, and I’ll change it eventually. Maybe when I eventually fall in love and have those kids I would like someday.

And I guess that’s how life should work too.

You can always change it eventually.

And I wanted to dedicate this blog post to the person who proofreads all my posts before you guys ever get to read them… My Mum.

Until next time x