It's their first time living too.

After the love I got on my last blog, The good shit, it got me thinking…

So many friends and people I haven’t spoken to in ages reached out to tell me how much they loved my last blog. Apparently, you guys enjoy when I write the raw, relatable stuff.

Like you actually like my writing? Okay, ego boost.

But genuinely, thank you. To everyone who read it (more than I ever expected), and especially to those who messaged to say it hit home or came at just the right time. I was kicking my feet reading your messages.

So, here we are. Back again. And luckily, it didn’t take long to figure out what I wanted to write about next.

So let me set the scene for you. I’m sat on my sofa, glass of red on the coffee table, Mum is on FaceTime over 4 hours away, and I’m about to ask her a series of questions.

Might as well use that journalism degree for something right?

Back story. I can be a bitch at times.

Oh Lord, let me tell you, I can be horrible - that time of the month where my hormones are kicking my ass, or when I’ve not eaten, or when I’ve just woken up, or…

You know what, let me stop there because I’m painting myself out to be a very moody bitch, and I promise I’m not… just sometimes, you know?

I came across a quote a while ago, and like all my favourite ones, it’s in my notes app, somewhere between shopping lists, half-written to do lists and gym workouts that I really need to do. So let me tell you one of my favourite ones.

It’s their first time living too.

Simple yet extraordinary.

Now it’s basic knowledge, we only live once, unless you believe in reincarnation, but that’s another topic for another day.

All those around you, your Mum, Dad, Grandparents, Siblings, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband or Wife are all doing this thing we call life, for the first time.

Sometimes I spend time with my Mum and she drives me crazy. I mean, there’s a thing called a ‘back seat driver’ and then there’s my Mum. She tries to be slick with it, because she knows how annoyed I get when she comments on my driving. So she’ll find a way of weaving it into conversation, thinking I won’t notice. For example 50cent could be playing in the background and she’ll say ‘oh, speaking of 50, I didn’t realise this road was a 50mph zone, did you?’

Oh if I had an ejection seat.

Considering I got 3 points on my licence for speeding recently, I get her concerns, but girl, please let go of the grab handles and chill the hell out.

Anyways, I admit, I get frustrated at her for random things but I always try to stop myself and think, ‘it’s her first time living too.’

She doesn’t have it all figured out, she hasn’t got a special rulebook with all the answers, she’s experiencing sunsets and sunrises just like me, she has passions, dreams, thoughts and feelings. She gets sad and she gets excited and who am I to ruin that experience for her?

Because it’s her first time living too.

Now my Mum, like us all, is still learning, still growing and figuring out life, but she gives some damn good advice. That’s one thing for sure.

Many times when me and my friends are catching up - someone’s going through something and we’re all talking through a situation together, I constantly find myself reciting things my Mum has said, or sharing advice which she’s shared with me, and my friends are like ‘damn Nic, can’t your Mum just come and join our convo and give us some advice!’

My Mum has always been that Mum who people can turn to, growing up I remember multiple childhood friends confiding in my Mum, over things they didn’t feel like they could tell their parents at the time. When one of the kids fell off their bike on the street, my Mum would be there, armed with a plaster and a ‘I hope you didn’t crack the floor’ remark.

One thing about my Mum, I love (and sometimes absolutely hate), is her BRUTAL honesty. I have to put that in caps because, if tough love was in the dictionary, her name would be underneath it. If you don’t look good - I promise, she will tell you. If you want advice - she’s not just going to tell you what you want to hear and if you’re crying over something you’ve already cried about - best believe she’s going to tell you to ‘pack it in’.

So that brings me on to my next part of my blog post. The series of questions I’m going to ask my Mum and which you guys are going to have the absolute privilege of reading.

Maybe you’re reading this feeling a bit down or uninspired, maybe you just need some good old Mum advice.

So I’ll loan you my Mum, just for a blog post.

Did you feel like you had to ‘have it all together’ at a certain age?

I don’t think i’ve ever thought that I would have to 'have it all together' by a certain age. 

One minute you're just starting out and the next it's 30 years later. Life throws lots of obstacles at you and each time you think ‘yes I'm going to achieve this’, something sidetracks you, so it's just easier to not stress over life too much and just enjoy it.

Everyone’s version of ‘having it together’ is very different.

Is there something you’re still trying to figure out, even now?

Yes, why the hell can’t I eat what I used to and not put on weight?!

Don't tell me to exercise Nicole, I already know you’re going to say that!

Oh and menopause is crap. I don’t think i’ll ever understand it.

What’s one thing you wish someone had told you when you were my age?

Don’t stress the little things, they don’t really matter.

Enjoy your youth - it’s very short.

Exercise and moisturise. Look after yourself, mentally and physically - they’re both important.

Is there something you were scared of that turned out okay in the end?

The only thing that is a bit scary is that you try to give your all when raising your children. You hope you’re doing the right thing, raising them the right way and helping them become the best versions of themselves.

You also hope that they don’t just see you as a parent, you hope that one day they will become your friend as well.

The thing is - I will always be a parent first and I will always have their best interests at heart.

But I want them to see me more than just ‘Mum’.

What’s the hardest part of being a mum that nobody really talks about?

There is no rule book. Honestly, it is easier when they are little. It's really hard when they grow up because they’re living their own lives and facing their own problems.

That feeling of wanting to protect them doesn't stop when they become adults - you just don't have the say anymore, you have to let them live, learn and make their own mistakes. But you still are momma bear and always will be.

You hope that they can come back for advice (and hope they listen, at least sometimes)

Have you ever felt misunderstood by me?

Not really, I understand we’re from different generations - we have different ways of thinking and doing things.

What’s something you hope I always remember, even when I’m older?

I love you more than anything in this world.

Live for now and do not worry, 

What’s a quote or saying you live by?

Life is short, you only get one chance.

You cannot change the past and you do not know what tomorrow will bring. Live in the moment.

If someone’s reading this and feeling a bit lost right now, what would you say to them?

A bit lost all depends on the situation but talk to someone, it does not matter who it is, just someone who is willing to listen. A problem shared, is a problem halved.

Even if you think it’s the worst day of your life, tomorrow is another day and things always look different the next day.

You don’t have to have everything figured out and don’t spend too much time trying to.

Live for today, 

Forget yesterday that is gone - you cannot change it.

Tomorrow - See what it brings when it gets here.

How do you show love, even if people don’t always notice?

You can show love in many ways. It's not a you problem if people don’t notice, You show love not because you have to do it but because you want to do it.

Can you explain that a little more?

Showing love doesn’t have to be grand gestures, it can be cooking for someone, cleaning up after someone, making their life easier in small ways.

If I wasn’t your daughter, would you be friends with me?

I find you amusing, you make me laugh, so I would say yes.

For the final question, I wanted to reverse the roles and give my Mum the chance to ask me one question.

I said I wouldn’t answer at the time, instead i’d answer it in the blog post and she could read it when it’s published. She asked -

- What would you change about your Mom? -

(like my boyfriend, she says Mom not Mum)

So Mum, I know you’re reading this. The only thing I would change is the distance between us, since right now I live over 4 hours away. As much as you drive me crazy at times, I’d love nothing more than to have you here, being able to grab coffee with you on a Saturday morning, or just popping by for a chat. Even though I visit often, I’d love you to be closer. Maybe not in my house, but down the road (or a family compound) would be perfect.

Until next time x